A Mother's Heart series concludes with an expecting mother, Wendy. Two years ago, Wendy's entrance into motherhood was a rocky one. Wendy's labor was long and trying, but she gave birth to the sweetest baby girl, Raleigh. Shortly after Raleigh's arrival into this world Wendy was admitted into the hospital with a life threatening infection that almost took her life. While in the hospital, Wendy was in a medically induced coma, unaware of the severity of her condition. Do you remember snuggling with your newborn during those first weeks as a mother, savoring the new life in your arms? Imagine trading that for a fight for your own life. Not the welcome to motherhood any woman wishes for.
Today, Wendy is a wonderful mother and will soon be the mother of two when she meets her baby boy in late September. (I can't wait to get my hands on him!) As Wendy balances being a working wife and mom, she struggles with something many mothers do: guilt.
When my husband and I decided to try for baby number two, my daughter was only 18 months old. Boy, was I clueless about how different being pregnant with a little one would be. I prepared myself for the first trimester sickness I had with my daughter and sure enough, it came. It's safe to say I made it through! What I was not prepared for were the emotions and guilt that bombarded me throughout this pregnancy. For the past few months I have been trying to navigate through all of that and find the peace that passes all understanding.
I recently had a torrential meltdown. Thankfully, I am approaching the other side of that battle. I do not know about you, but I strive to have my house in order. Don't get me wrong here, I am certainly not as OCD as I used to be. My house hasn't been spotless for over two years now, but I still feel more at peace when things are in their place and I can't see dog hair all over my floor. Lately, I have been overwhelmed with housework, working more hours since April, and just haven't been able to keep up with everything on my plate. On top of all of that, I don't have the days off that I used to spend with my daughter anymore. Enter guilt.
I can't keep up with housework, guilt. I can't spend as much time with my child, guilt. I can't be the perfect wife, guilt. The guilt just piles on top of itself. Guilt has been a huge stronghold throughout this pregnancy, causing me to not be able to enjoy this season like I should. So, during my recent meltdown I had a friend call to pray over me and speak against that guilt. Don't you just love those kind of friends!
Ever since that day, I have been more aware of the times guilt tries to creep up on me. I have tried to shut it down with the voice of peace. A quote that I often think of is, "be gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can do." That is so true. I have been so focused on what I cannot do instead of focused on what Jesus can do. With help from the Holy Spirit, I can navigate through this guilt and do my best. I can rest. Soon enough, my little man will be here and I will have my energy back. I will be working only three days a week and my heart will be exploding with love for not only one, but two sweet miracles from above. This time is only a small portion of a huge future investment into human beings that will change the world around them by God's love. I feel like the more that I enter into God's rest, the more my children will see Him at work in my life and be able to learn to live freely and lightly. I received a text right in the middle of writing this from a dear friend that said, "Don't faint, don't lose heart. God has great things in store for you as you press into Him."
It's so encouraging to know that we are not alone. Whether you have one child or five, know that your job is great, but your reward is greater.
You can follow Wendy at Wendyology.