A Mother's Heart: Wendy

A Mother's Heart series concludes with an expecting mother, Wendy. Two years ago, Wendy's entrance into motherhood was a rocky one. Wendy's labor was long and trying, but she gave birth to the sweetest baby girl, Raleigh. Shortly after Raleigh's arrival into this world Wendy was admitted into the hospital with a life threatening infection that almost took her life. While in the hospital, Wendy was in a medically induced coma, unaware of the severity of her condition. Do you remember snuggling with your newborn during those first weeks as a mother, savoring the new life in your arms? Imagine trading that for a fight for your own life. Not the welcome to motherhood any woman wishes for.

Today, Wendy is a wonderful mother and will soon be the mother of two when she meets her baby boy in late September. (I can't wait to get my hands on him!) As Wendy balances being a working wife and mom, she struggles with something many mothers do: guilt. 

When my husband and I decided to try for baby number two, my daughter was only 18 months old.  Boy, was I clueless about how different being pregnant with a little one would be.  I prepared myself for the first trimester sickness I had with my daughter and sure enough, it came. It's safe to say I made it through! What I was not prepared for were the emotions and guilt that bombarded me throughout this pregnancy. For the past few months I have been trying to navigate through all of that and find the peace that passes all understanding.  

I recently had a torrential meltdown. Thankfully, I am approaching the other side of that battle. I do not know about you, but I strive to have my house in order. Don't get me wrong here, I am certainly not as OCD as I used to be. My house hasn't been spotless for over two years now, but I still feel more at peace when things are in their place and I can't see dog hair all over my floor.  Lately, I have been overwhelmed with housework, working more hours since April, and just haven't been able to keep up with everything on my plate. On top of all of that, I don't have the days off that I used to spend with my daughter anymore. Enter guilt.  

I can't keep up with housework, guilt. I can't spend as much time with my child, guilt. I can't be the perfect wife, guilt. The guilt just piles on top of itself. Guilt has been a huge stronghold throughout this pregnancy, causing me to not be able to enjoy this season like I should. So, during my recent meltdown I had a friend call to pray over me and speak against that guilt.  Don't you just love those kind of friends!

Ever since that day, I have been more aware of the times guilt tries to creep up on me. I have tried to shut it down with the voice of peace.  A quote that I often think of is, "be gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can do." That is so true. I have been so focused on what I cannot do instead of focused on what Jesus can do. With help from the Holy Spirit, I can navigate through this guilt and do my best.  I can rest.  Soon enough, my little man will be here and I will have my energy back. I will be working only three days a week and my heart will be exploding with love for not only one, but two sweet miracles from above.  This time is only a small portion of a huge future investment into human beings that will change the world around them by God's love.  I feel like the more that I enter into God's rest, the more my children will see Him at work in my life and be able to learn to live freely and lightly.  I received a text right in the middle of writing this from a dear friend that said, "Don't faint, don't lose heart.  God has great things in store for you as you press into Him."   

It's so encouraging to know that we are not alone.  Whether you have one child or five, know that your job is great, but your reward is greater.

You can follow Wendy at Wendyology.  

A Mother's Heart: Donna

Week four of A Mother's Heart continues with Donna. Donna's oldest child, Bethany, was the first girl friend I made upon moving to North Carolina. Today, Bethany is one of my best friends. It wasn't long after I met Bethany when I was introduced to Donna. I always have a hard time describing Donna to others. I started to type that she is the kind of person who puts you at ease when you're around her, but she's not. This is a good thing. When Donna asks how you are, she wants to know the gunk you're walking through at that particular moment. Don't fight it because she'll see the wall you put up to hide it. She'll encourage you as she listens and prays with you. No one wants to visit those places, but you always leave grateful she went there with you. Donna is the first to point out she doesn't have it all together, but she'll always point you in the direction of the One who does.

I am now a mother to four grown children. If I could speak to younger moms I would say two things that, over the years, have been vindicated by my children. The first one is simple, perhaps over used, but could never be said enough. 

Every moment matters.

I used to keep four numbers on my fridge, the number of years each child had left before they were college-age. These numbers reminded me to slow down and savor my children. This reminder helped me to temper my words and emotions. I know placing these numbers in plain sight was God's idea. My natural tendency was to just get through the day. I was tired, emotionally drained, or I had my own agenda. Some very good agendas, but not necessarily agendas focused on molding lives. I am grateful for God’s wisdom, even back then, because I realize that every moment helped shape who they would turn out to be and the spirit they would possess. That had everything to do with me.

When it comes to raising children, every day will never just be about today. Today is also about tomorrow. You must not worry about tomorrow, nor living for the future, but instead make every day count. The people your children turn out to be tomorrow is decided today. I’m not just talking about the on-purpose teaching moments you try to incorporate into your kids’ lives. I’m talking about the day to day stuff. You have to be aware that your children are listening to what you say, even when you’re not talking to them. They will live out how you respond and react. They will live out how you love and forgive others. They will live out how you love and honor God. They will remember our time at Disney World, but they will live out how we acted in the car on the way there. Every moment matters.

You teach what you know, but you reproduce who you are.

And I say this from experience. I’ve learned that I can only really control how one person turns out, and that’s me.  Loving and honoring God has to consistently be who I am for my own sake and sanity (I have to put the oxygen mask on myself first), but also so it will be who my kids are. The best parenting tip I know is for me to be wise, whole, grounded, and close to God. Not perfect. Oh, I made many mistakes along the way, but even then my children had a front row seat to watch how I handled shortcomings. I have to live what I believe. If I fail to do so, the inconsistency of what I say I believe and how I actually live will drive them away, not only from me, but from God.

As I’ve seen my children make their own mistakes, go their own way, disappoint God, and cause my heart to break, I’ve also seen that their journey back to the truth doesn’t take very long. After all, they know what to look for. Kids gravitate toward truth!

A Mother's Heart: Tori

Aliza Day and Ari Brave. Not just beautiful names, but beautiful children-I mean, just look at their mama! These babes belong to my sweet friend Tori. I first met Tori over five years ago when Chad and Grayson, Tori's husband, connected through music. In addition to her role in motherhood, Tori is the children's pastor at River Church Charlotte and regularly leads worship alongside her husband. If you've never heard her sing, or even if you have, check out her beautiful voice here. 

There is a lot I love about this woman, but what I admire most is watching her show the Father's heart to children. On multiple occasions I've served alongside Tori in the 1st-5th grade class at River Church. It was here I watched Tori patiently and deliberately practice acts of love toward children (many times, sugared children) in a way that's hard to describe. This, my friends, is not an easy pursuit. Y'all, she's great at what she does! Today, A Mother's Heart series continues as Tori shares the importance of modeling the Father's heart at home, and I couldn't be more excited! 

As I’m typing this, my two year old is using our couch cushions as a slide while my 12 week old has a full belly and has been successfully rocked to sleep. I think I’ve got a couple minutes to steal away. This is my beautiful life right now with two littles, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’m a work-from-home momma, so everyday looks a little different depending on what is on my plate that week.

Beginning our life as a family of four was much smoother than I could have imagined. Aliza loved her “baby brudder” from the moment we walked in the door with him. She immediately began singing him a lovely rendition of “Jesus Loves Me”. Then it was time to decorate him with pink stickers. It was truly love at first sight! Since bringing little Ari Brave home 12 weeks ago, we have been walking out what life looks like with two. Some days it feels like he has been here forever! He fits so perfectly in our family.

As a new mother of two I am learning each day what it means to be intentional. As a mom that works from home, it is easy to feel like my attention is in two places at one time. I desire to take time daily to deliberately get down on Aliza’s level and do what makes her heart happy. Put away my phone, turn off the computer, pause my to-do list… those things can wait. It is time to just be mommy! Whether that looks like playing blocks, having a tea party, or playing in her Crabby Pool - these are all things that fill up her love tank. I want her to know that she is valued and worth my attention. Ari, on the other hand, is pretty easy going. Give him some cuddles and he’s your best buddy all day.

It’s a beautiful thing that when you pause to take time to pour into your children, you find that they are also pouring into you! There is nothing like seeing the joy on their face when they have your undivided attention.

I know that God is intentional with me, and I want to be a reflection of the Father to my children.  Do I always get it right, and knock it out of the park? Nope! But there is grace. Thank you, God, for grace.